Under My Neon Sky

i'm so proud and happy to be a part of it.

I'm in crisis.
I can't write, I can't draw, take pictures, edit them - anything.
it even takes me pains to write something here.
I'm a creative soap bubble - so attractive and shiny from the outside, totally empty inside.

Having spent the whole day thinking what to pack, it has suddenly struck me that the most difficult task for me will be to choose the songs for my teeny tiny modern miracle - my mp3 player.
But in fact, it took me no longer than 2 minutes of brain racking to find the answer.
I'll pack it up with Placebo.



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3 days of fighting with fever and toothache made me think as clearly as ever.
That damn fucking series has also given me thousands of reasons for contemplating.

There are no good people or bad people cause all of them do bullshit. But which amount of bullshit is already too much? How am I supposed to know it? Maybe people which i considered to be complete arseholes weren't ones afterwards? Then I've lost some really awesome buddies?

Bullshit bullshit bullshit.

It's the series for watching, enjoying, stealing the OST music from the net and making sure that something like that never ever happens in your life.

Three couples have troubles - not having sex, not getting pregnant, not trusting each other. so they see the psychiatrist to get kicked in the right place and find a solution.
But actually it's a very good series with bullshit family problems in bullshit America. And it's such bullshit that people need shrinks to talk to rather than taking each other by the hand, snogging, bed-hopping and living happily ever after.

Rain. City. Camera <3


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Up and down moods start killing me.
It's like a neverending rollercoaster.
Smiling in the street and wanting to smash things at home.
Being SO FUCKING ANGRY.
Wanting everyone around me just to fuck off and leave me alone.
Feeling so vulnerable at the same time.
Things which I always loved and which used to be my cure for being down, seem to irritate me so much now.
Oh please, I beg you (whoever has the supreme power in this fucked up world), I wish this stopped in France.

I need a change, i need a change of skin. (c)

Strange infatuation seems to grace the evening tide.
I'll take it by your side.

The night tide covers the city. I hide in its sheet, wrapping my soul with its violet silk and stripping down to my hidden senses.

Such imagination seems to help the feeling slide.
I'll take it by your side.

The heat warms up the fantasy, letting the cold drops of green tea on my lips burn the fire under my skin. I taste them slowly, as if they were the particles of neverending condensed passion.

Oversaturation curls the skin and tans the hide.
I'll take it by your side.

My mind goes hazy, changing the silhouettes into mysterious night creatures which dance with my thoughts and blend fantasy and passion with reality and heat. The violet night lights become brighter as the night wraps me tighter and tighter into its vast sheet.

tick - tock
tick - tick - tick - tick - tick - tock

The music becomes the only visible substance which goes into the veins, filling my blood with fancy guitar riffs and making my heart pump in the same rhythm.

I'm unclean, a libertine
And every time you vent your spleen,
I seem to lose the power of speech,
Your slipping slowly from my reach.

And suddenly comes the voice, the invisible sublime material that gets a hold on you and never loosens its grip. The senses, thoughts, unsaid words, lost desires, weeping wounds - everything becomes surreal and at the same time more true than ever; you can't move, think or speak, being afraid to make the wrong move and destroy the moment which is so forbiddingly sweet.

You grow me like an evergreen,
You never see the lonely me at all

The tide is gone, then comes the other one, again the music, the voice that tears you asunder and that you become the one with.....

I...
Fall.
Without you, I'm Nothing.

Music is my boyfriend. And we're having abso-f*cking-lutely mindblowing sex.

It's another stuffy night which I spend with lights off and PC screen on.
I truly have to be sleeping and I wish I could but this gigantic Internet universe seems never to go to bed.
Days morphed into one huge roll of neverending doing nothing. Quite a tough change after 2 months of grueling non-stop studying. But I'm a lazy night junkie, so I'm sure I'll get used to it just in the next few days.
there's not quite much to write here, just gotta tell that my brains are still quite much exam affected and that's why I'm a bit slow, I'm reading Bradbury again and can't stop drooling over the youtube vid of Molko grabbing his groin. Yeah, touch your pleasure zone more often during the gigs, babe, you'll get bunches of sexually aroused fans which will worship you.
Nighty night to this lonely planet. I'm off to bed to watch erotic Molkodreams.

"The Movie on Your Eyelids" is on repeat the whole day
it's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard
perfect from the first till the last note
and this voice.... Brian's sensual voice drives me crazy
makes me feel sad, happy, lonely, cheerful, hopeless, lost at the same time
i just wanna dissolve in it
i wanna become someone's movie
on the eyelids

I'm not a groupie
even if i love Placebo and Brian with all my heart
for what they/he give(s) me
it's more like infinite gratefullness

I feel that I lack something
I don't even know what
but i try to replace it with Placebo
works for a couple of minutes
then hunger again

but this voice
lingers in my mind